My book, Bob The Ladybug: Bob’s New Pants is now available on Amazon and at http://www.bobtheladybug.com.
We have all heard the term “nesting” to describe the process of preparing your home for the arrival of a new child, but what exactly does it mean to nest? Well, if you are part of the Radical Gay Family Agenda, nesting is the transformation of a bland space into something fabulous in order to put straight moms to shame. It would be inappropriate for us radicals to allow our sweet babies to sleep in a room that is not decked out with designer touches.
For the impending arrival of our little boy, we decided that baby blue was just not good enough for a family that is steeped in the ability to ruin American values. Our little man will be spending his infant years staring at hues of tangerine, chocolate and vanilla. No, not orange, brown, and off-white…that just sounds too straight! We have high standards to uphold. Our journey to destroy tradition would never be successful with such trite and obvious colors. Our son will spend his waking moments in his crib under our eccentric version of a mobile; a natural corkscrew willow limb adorned with carefully handmade tangerine leaves. Store-bought plastic mobiles would be out of place in this David Bromstad inspired space.
To round off the nursery that straight moms will envy are cute little hand-cut birds fluttering about the walls and a large oriental rug with colors to match. A chocolate brown suede glider rocker has been added for the dads’ comfort on those late night feedings. Custom bedding finishes off the crib and the changing table is adorned with matching changing pad covers. The window is draped with flowing curtains containing twig and bird patterns to match the bedding. The nursery is complete and ready for baby.
So, is our nesting complete? Not really. All the nursery décor and design has been fun and exciting but really has nothing to do with the real sense of nesting. As far as I am concerned, nesting is a state of mind, not a state of design. I joke about putting the nursery together to make straight moms jealous but the truth is we dads have similar preparation feelings. We strive to make sure our baby has all the necessities needed to be happy and healthy. We also worry about doing everything possible to make sure our children are showered with love. Babies don’t care about the looks of their surroundings; they care about being loved, fed, and cared for. With this being our second child, we are confident we can provide everything needed for our little guy to thrive.
So, as we start the process of washing all the cute little onesies in fragrance-free non-allergenic detergent and we painstakingly clean and sanitize the Tommee Tippee bottles, we will have endearing thoughts of our little boy. Those thoughts are filled with the delight of adding to our loving family as we continue the “nesting” process.
The daily routine of packing PB&J sandwiches into my daughter’s Wizard of Oz lunchbox has come to an end until after summer. She just graduated kindergarten! Her daddies are so proud of her accomplishments. We sat in the audience sobbing as she accepted her diploma and exclaimed that math was her favorite subject this year. There must be some radical gay agenda behind her liking math. I mean, “normal” children like PE or art. Where did we go wrong?
Just before graduation, we took a trip to Washington DC for family lobby day with Family Equality Council. We were featured on CNN. Our daughter was instrumental in gaining the attention of staffers while walking the halls of Congress. She drew a picture of her family that she shared at each meeting. It was one of the most beautiful stick figure drawings I have ever seen. She neatly labeled “Dad” over the stick figure with the gray hair, “Daddy” over the stick figure with the blonde swoop hair, and “Carrigan” over the adorable stick girl with the pig-tail braids. It was amazing to see her point out each member of her family to staff members in DC. It is such a radical gay agenda to show a happy, healthy family through the eyes of a child. We were so proud of her for just being a kid and for not having an embarrassing meltdown. We pretended the halls were underground tunnels in Hogwart’s. She love Harry Potter, so we were all set!
As we prepare for a full summer of travel and educational school camps, we ponder how much we have done to destroy the sanctity of marriage over the past year….and for some reason my mind is drawing a blank. We have participated in a few weddings but can not think of a single divorce we caused. I’m sure there is a couple out there somewhere that we ripped apart with our carpool queue, dance recitals, poolside picnics, and bicycle training. I will keep you posted as the destruction is unveiled.
Below is a link to the CNN feature story of our Washington, DC lobby day efforts with Family Equality Council.
I’m sorry I have been absent from the blog for so long. Our radical gay family agenda has had me hopping. Kindergarten is in full force for our daughter and ballet, tap, jazz, tumbling, and musical theater classes have consumed all our free time. The daddies are so proud of our little “Broadway prodigy”. PB&Js are still being slapped together each morning and our path to the destruction of marriage is forging onward. See our recent story that made national headlines yesterday:
Have a happy Halloween. I hope all your little goblins spread our gay agenda from door to door this weekend!
And, she has used her creativity to turn a cardboard box into a “rocket” to fly away from her daddies.