Radical Gay Family Agenda 8/2/11

I can understand why people call us “flaming”. We have been burning the candles from both ends lately. Our radical gay family agenda has kept us extremely busy the last few weeks. Our daughter has even requested we get her a sitter for a couple of days. When I asked her why, she said, “because I need a break from you guys.” I think she may be worn out too! Vacations can be exhausting.

Our radical gay agenda took us to Philly this past weekend for the Britney Spears concert. If we were not well-known before, we will be now. Our radical gay agenda was thrust upon an audience of 21,000 when we went on stage and danced with Britney. She was instrumental in helping us spread our marital destruction campaign to a wide audience. The 20,000 tween girls and 1,000 hesitant chaperones were unable to avoid our fairy dust. I just know our agenda penetrated the hearts of everyone there with our horrible dance techniques and giddy smiles. We were the third, fourth, and fifth guys brought up on stage. See video:

http://youtu.be/Lg8CA8FOOQc

Today our radical gay family agenda leaves me at home caring for our sick daughter. She has an upper respiratory infection and is not feeling well. She keeps asking me to sit beside her and hold her. Daddy has it covered. I hate when she is sick. I want to take away her pain and make it all better. We may be visiting the doctor later this morning if she does not seem better. Daddy will make sure she has lots of fluids, a cold towel on her forehead, and lots of hugs and kisses to get her through the day. Her Hello Kitty thermos is full of ice water and the plastic trashcan is sitting beside the sofa. She is wrapped in her favorite blankie and is watching Nick Jr. We will make it through this radical gay day together.

With the widespread distribution of our radical gay agenda lately, we will forego conversations tonight about further destruction of the sanctity of marriage. Our little princess comes first today. We will get her all healed up before we continue our sinister plot to destroy America.

 

 

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Radical Gay Family Agenda 7/28/11

We’re back! We had an amazing vacation in Europe. Our radical gay family agenda was extremely full over the last two weeks. There is no way to know exactly how many people we infected with our gay agenda but I’m sure it is in the tens of thousands. We spent most of our time enjoying the sights and cultures of some beautiful locations. Our daughter was such a trooper. She walked everywhere we did and never missed a beat. We are all on a diet to try to rid the weight we gained from eating every 30 minutes while on our trip. The term “fat and happy” has never been more true. It was tough waddling through the ancient cities visited. At least we were able to get a nice tan. My mom always said, “tan fat is prettier than white fat.”

Eight years ago, Jeff and I were in Venice during a vacation. As we sat in St. Mark’s Square, we watched a little girl in a beautiful white dress dance to the live orchestra. She alternated her dancing with running to her parents and taking a bite of gelato. During that time, we were desperate to have a child. We were very emotional watching this beautiful little girl and wishing we could be blessed with an opportunity to experience being parents. Our journey back to Venice with our daughter had a very special meaning. We dressed her in a white dress, took her to St. Mark’s Square, and reveled in her impromptu dance to the live orchestra. The moment was complete with some delicious gelato and a finale of church bells. Life has come full circle for us and is perfect. Seeing her dance in the square made our trip perfect. How radical?

Our radical gay family agenda is back to the usual routine today. Our daughter is off to school camp, PB&J in tow and swimsuit packed for water day. We are trying to catch up on work while washing a mountain of clothing and trying to fit in time to mow and clean house. Our agenda would not be complete without time to plan for future destruction of heterosexual marriages in Pennsylvania. We will be in Philly this weekend to make sure our mission comes to fruition. As I try to regain my sleep schedule from jet-lag, I will work on getting my blog entries back on track. I know how important it is to make sure the world is warned of our lurking destruction of the sanctity of marriage with all the laundry and PB&J sandwiches. Which reminds me, we are our of Jif and Smuckers.

Radical Gay Family Agenda 7/18/11

Our radical gay family agenda has been quite an adventure the last few days. We have been to Frankfurt, Munich, Venice, Corfu, and Santorini so far. We still have stops in Mykonos and Ephesus before returning to Venice. Our daughter has been immersed in cultures and loves every minute of our gay agenda.  We have been teaching her how to say hello and goodbye in each language and have given her a purse full of euros to buy her own little souvenirs. She is quite stylish walking around with her little patchwork purse we bought in Corfu, Greece.  She speaks to everyone who passes her by. When she hears someone speak a foreign language, she usually says, “hola”. I guess she thinks that if people are not speaking English they MUST speak Spanish. I think she may be watching too much Dora the Explorer. All of the stewards on the ship have fallen in love with her and usually say hola to her before she can get the word out to greet them.

We are quite surprised that our daughter has adjusted so well to the lengthy travel and time change. She has not missed a beat. She cannot wait to get up each morning and see what is on our radical gay agenda for the day. She gets a healthy dose of exhaustion and has been sleeping well each night. We have also found a special treat for both she and the adults of the family. Each night she begs to go to the kid’s camp on the ship. We feed her dinner, drop her off at the camp and enjoy a nice meal with uninterrupted adult conversation at the nicer restaurants. It’s a win-win for everyone.

Our radical gay family agenda today consisted of a stop in Santorini, Greece. Santorini is one of the most magical places we have ever been. Since we are so radical, we chose to ride donkeys up the mountain to the hilltop city. I found out the hard way I am allergic to ass. I know that may shock many who read this post. I will never climb onto another donkey while wearing shorts! The entire family had a blast on our 4-legged helper’s backs until half way to the top. The donkeys kept running into each other. Gregory’s knee was slammed into one of the donkey’s behinds. Our daughter kept laughing and shouting, “Gregory has donkey poop on his knee…that’s disgusting!” The fun times also halted when we got off the donkeys and realized we all had donkey poop and/or leather saddle stains on the back of our shorts. My mom was horrified by the brown smear on the seat of her white capri pants and was announcing to everyone at the top of the hill that it was from riding the donkey and that she would happily pay anyone $20 for a clean pair of shorts. We bought mom a scarf and wrapped it around her waist to ease her mind. Gregory and I ducked into the nearest men’s shop and bought a new pair of European shorts to change into. All was right with the world as we continued our shopping spree and had lunch overlooking the ocean.

We have come into contact with too many families to mention. I see constant lines of people at the customer service counter at mid-ship, Deck 7.  I know they must be couples requesting separate cabins because of the destruction of their marriages. There is no way people are able to escape our wrath in such a concentrated space. How do you say radical gay agenda in Greek? We terrorize Mykonos tomorrow.