My book, Bob The Ladybug: Bob’s New Pants is now available on Amazon and at http://www.bobtheladybug.com.
We have all heard the term “nesting” to describe the process of preparing your home for the arrival of a new child, but what exactly does it mean to nest? Well, if you are part of the Radical Gay Family Agenda, nesting is the transformation of a bland space into something fabulous in order to put straight moms to shame. It would be inappropriate for us radicals to allow our sweet babies to sleep in a room that is not decked out with designer touches.
For the impending arrival of our little boy, we decided that baby blue was just not good enough for a family that is steeped in the ability to ruin American values. Our little man will be spending his infant years staring at hues of tangerine, chocolate and vanilla. No, not orange, brown, and off-white…that just sounds too straight! We have high standards to uphold. Our journey to destroy tradition would never be successful with such trite and obvious colors. Our son will spend his waking moments in his crib under our eccentric version of a mobile; a natural corkscrew willow limb adorned with carefully handmade tangerine leaves. Store-bought plastic mobiles would be out of place in this David Bromstad inspired space.
To round off the nursery that straight moms will envy are cute little hand-cut birds fluttering about the walls and a large oriental rug with colors to match. A chocolate brown suede glider rocker has been added for the dads’ comfort on those late night feedings. Custom bedding finishes off the crib and the changing table is adorned with matching changing pad covers. The window is draped with flowing curtains containing twig and bird patterns to match the bedding. The nursery is complete and ready for baby.
So, is our nesting complete? Not really. All the nursery décor and design has been fun and exciting but really has nothing to do with the real sense of nesting. As far as I am concerned, nesting is a state of mind, not a state of design. I joke about putting the nursery together to make straight moms jealous but the truth is we dads have similar preparation feelings. We strive to make sure our baby has all the necessities needed to be happy and healthy. We also worry about doing everything possible to make sure our children are showered with love. Babies don’t care about the looks of their surroundings; they care about being loved, fed, and cared for. With this being our second child, we are confident we can provide everything needed for our little guy to thrive.
So, as we start the process of washing all the cute little onesies in fragrance-free non-allergenic detergent and we painstakingly clean and sanitize the Tommee Tippee bottles, we will have endearing thoughts of our little boy. Those thoughts are filled with the delight of adding to our loving family as we continue the “nesting” process.
The daily routine of packing PB&J sandwiches into my daughter’s Wizard of Oz lunchbox has come to an end until after summer. She just graduated kindergarten! Her daddies are so proud of her accomplishments. We sat in the audience sobbing as she accepted her diploma and exclaimed that math was her favorite subject this year. There must be some radical gay agenda behind her liking math. I mean, “normal” children like PE or art. Where did we go wrong?
Just before graduation, we took a trip to Washington DC for family lobby day with Family Equality Council. We were featured on CNN. Our daughter was instrumental in gaining the attention of staffers while walking the halls of Congress. She drew a picture of her family that she shared at each meeting. It was one of the most beautiful stick figure drawings I have ever seen. She neatly labeled “Dad” over the stick figure with the gray hair, “Daddy” over the stick figure with the blonde swoop hair, and “Carrigan” over the adorable stick girl with the pig-tail braids. It was amazing to see her point out each member of her family to staff members in DC. It is such a radical gay agenda to show a happy, healthy family through the eyes of a child. We were so proud of her for just being a kid and for not having an embarrassing meltdown. We pretended the halls were underground tunnels in Hogwart’s. She love Harry Potter, so we were all set!
As we prepare for a full summer of travel and educational school camps, we ponder how much we have done to destroy the sanctity of marriage over the past year….and for some reason my mind is drawing a blank. We have participated in a few weddings but can not think of a single divorce we caused. I’m sure there is a couple out there somewhere that we ripped apart with our carpool queue, dance recitals, poolside picnics, and bicycle training. I will keep you posted as the destruction is unveiled.
Below is a link to the CNN feature story of our Washington, DC lobby day efforts with Family Equality Council.
I’m sorry I have been absent from the blog for so long. Our radical gay family agenda has had me hopping. Kindergarten is in full force for our daughter and ballet, tap, jazz, tumbling, and musical theater classes have consumed all our free time. The daddies are so proud of our little “Broadway prodigy”. PB&Js are still being slapped together each morning and our path to the destruction of marriage is forging onward. See our recent story that made national headlines yesterday:
Have a happy Halloween. I hope all your little goblins spread our gay agenda from door to door this weekend!
Well, life as a radical gay family is not always sparkles and rainbows. Our daughter decided to have a major meltdown last night. She had it in her little head that her dad would be tucking her in to bed even after I (daddy) was in her room with a book in hand. A temper tantrum ensued that would give Naomi Campbell a run for her money. Thank goodness she is too young to have a cell phone to throw! We decided that we have been spoiling her a little too much and have to reign in the demon child before she turns into a spoiled brat. After a battle of wills last night, she finally left Time Out after an hour of kicking and screaming and trotted off to bed…ALONE. She did not get her way and did not get tucked in at all. I guess tough love is also a part of our radical gay family agenda.
The morning started very quietly as our daughter sat with no TV or toys and had to eat her oatmeal in silence. She got dressed for school, made her bed, apologized for her actions and quietly left for school. I went to Homo Depot, bought 10 medium cardboard boxes and returned home to pack all her toys and special stuffed animals. We have decided to take everything away from her and make her understand that she has to earn those things by minding, being polite and respectful, and behaving. It may take her a while to earn everything back one item at a time. The good news, we do not have to spend much money for Christmas this year. By the time she gets to the end of 10 boxes of Barbie, Dora, Toy Story, and Disney stuff, she will think it is all new.
Things are definitely much more different from the way they were when I was young. My mother would have back-handed me through a wall for acting the way my daughter did last night. We are trying to take the approach of mutual respect and talking through issues instead of spanking and yelling. We choose to use Time Out and restrictions. Our radical gay family agenda may have to start including a military boarding school if she does not get it in line! I wonder if military boarding schools go by the ‘Don’t Ask Don’t Tell Us If Your Daddies Are Gay’ rule. If so, we would just pretend to be straight.
We are back on a diet, so I will cook a light meal for dinner and replace dessert with a firm and strict discussion about destroying some marriages in Ohio.
I saw this article today and felt it was important for people to read. We are asked these questions all the time and are often offended:
I’m still here! I have been busy destroying the sanctity of marriage. Read for yourself:
I would love for Mr. Santorum to sit down for dinner with my family so he can see just how “radical” we are. My daughter would surely share her PB&J and a carrot chip while laughing about his funny hair and silly metaphors. He would probably be annoyed by interruptions of the washer and dryer chime letting me know it’s time to wash and fold another load. He would also have to witness a family conversation about my daughter’s first day of school or how her friend took the pink crayon she was using to draw flowers around the sketch of her daddies and our home. Our dinner may even have to pause while we patch a boo boo for my daughter with a Dora Band-Aid. We may even have to deal with a meltdown if we forget to trim the brown edges off my daughter’s sandwich or cut the sandwich into squares instead of triangles. You have an open invitation, Mr. Santorum. Come sit at our table and judge for yourself what a real family is made of. You just might come up with some new metaphors like “LOVE makes a family” or “Moral agents are Nurturing parents”.
I can understand why people call us “flaming”. We have been burning the candles from both ends lately. Our radical gay family agenda has kept us extremely busy the last few weeks. Our daughter has even requested we get her a sitter for a couple of days. When I asked her why, she said, “because I need a break from you guys.” I think she may be worn out too! Vacations can be exhausting.
Our radical gay agenda took us to Philly this past weekend for the Britney Spears concert. If we were not well-known before, we will be now. Our radical gay agenda was thrust upon an audience of 21,000 when we went on stage and danced with Britney. She was instrumental in helping us spread our marital destruction campaign to a wide audience. The 20,000 tween girls and 1,000 hesitant chaperones were unable to avoid our fairy dust. I just know our agenda penetrated the hearts of everyone there with our horrible dance techniques and giddy smiles. We were the third, fourth, and fifth guys brought up on stage. See video:
Today our radical gay family agenda leaves me at home caring for our sick daughter. She has an upper respiratory infection and is not feeling well. She keeps asking me to sit beside her and hold her. Daddy has it covered. I hate when she is sick. I want to take away her pain and make it all better. We may be visiting the doctor later this morning if she does not seem better. Daddy will make sure she has lots of fluids, a cold towel on her forehead, and lots of hugs and kisses to get her through the day. Her Hello Kitty thermos is full of ice water and the plastic trashcan is sitting beside the sofa. She is wrapped in her favorite blankie and is watching Nick Jr. We will make it through this radical gay day together.
With the widespread distribution of our radical gay agenda lately, we will forego conversations tonight about further destruction of the sanctity of marriage. Our little princess comes first today. We will get her all healed up before we continue our sinister plot to destroy America.