Radical Gay Family Agenda 7/28/11

We’re back! We had an amazing vacation in Europe. Our radical gay family agenda was extremely full over the last two weeks. There is no way to know exactly how many people we infected with our gay agenda but I’m sure it is in the tens of thousands. We spent most of our time enjoying the sights and cultures of some beautiful locations. Our daughter was such a trooper. She walked everywhere we did and never missed a beat. We are all on a diet to try to rid the weight we gained from eating every 30 minutes while on our trip. The term “fat and happy” has never been more true. It was tough waddling through the ancient cities visited. At least we were able to get a nice tan. My mom always said, “tan fat is prettier than white fat.”

Eight years ago, Jeff and I were in Venice during a vacation. As we sat in St. Mark’s Square, we watched a little girl in a beautiful white dress dance to the live orchestra. She alternated her dancing with running to her parents and taking a bite of gelato. During that time, we were desperate to have a child. We were very emotional watching this beautiful little girl and wishing we could be blessed with an opportunity to experience being parents. Our journey back to Venice with our daughter had a very special meaning. We dressed her in a white dress, took her to St. Mark’s Square, and reveled in her impromptu dance to the live orchestra. The moment was complete with some delicious gelato and a finale of church bells. Life has come full circle for us and is perfect. Seeing her dance in the square made our trip perfect. How radical?

Our radical gay family agenda is back to the usual routine today. Our daughter is off to school camp, PB&J in tow and swimsuit packed for water day. We are trying to catch up on work while washing a mountain of clothing and trying to fit in time to mow and clean house. Our agenda would not be complete without time to plan for future destruction of heterosexual marriages in Pennsylvania. We will be in Philly this weekend to make sure our mission comes to fruition. As I try to regain my sleep schedule from jet-lag, I will work on getting my blog entries back on track. I know how important it is to make sure the world is warned of our lurking destruction of the sanctity of marriage with all the laundry and PB&J sandwiches. Which reminds me, we are our of Jif and Smuckers.

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Jennifer Chrisler on Lawrence O’Donnell

 

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=626wvUV3osE&feature=share

I am very proud to be a part of Family Equality Council and a friend of Jennifer Chrisler. She is one of the best leaders of our Radical Gay Family Agenda.

 

 

Radical Gay Family Agenda 7/18/11

Our radical gay family agenda has been quite an adventure the last few days. We have been to Frankfurt, Munich, Venice, Corfu, and Santorini so far. We still have stops in Mykonos and Ephesus before returning to Venice. Our daughter has been immersed in cultures and loves every minute of our gay agenda.  We have been teaching her how to say hello and goodbye in each language and have given her a purse full of euros to buy her own little souvenirs. She is quite stylish walking around with her little patchwork purse we bought in Corfu, Greece.  She speaks to everyone who passes her by. When she hears someone speak a foreign language, she usually says, “hola”. I guess she thinks that if people are not speaking English they MUST speak Spanish. I think she may be watching too much Dora the Explorer. All of the stewards on the ship have fallen in love with her and usually say hola to her before she can get the word out to greet them.

We are quite surprised that our daughter has adjusted so well to the lengthy travel and time change. She has not missed a beat. She cannot wait to get up each morning and see what is on our radical gay agenda for the day. She gets a healthy dose of exhaustion and has been sleeping well each night. We have also found a special treat for both she and the adults of the family. Each night she begs to go to the kid’s camp on the ship. We feed her dinner, drop her off at the camp and enjoy a nice meal with uninterrupted adult conversation at the nicer restaurants. It’s a win-win for everyone.

Our radical gay family agenda today consisted of a stop in Santorini, Greece. Santorini is one of the most magical places we have ever been. Since we are so radical, we chose to ride donkeys up the mountain to the hilltop city. I found out the hard way I am allergic to ass. I know that may shock many who read this post. I will never climb onto another donkey while wearing shorts! The entire family had a blast on our 4-legged helper’s backs until half way to the top. The donkeys kept running into each other. Gregory’s knee was slammed into one of the donkey’s behinds. Our daughter kept laughing and shouting, “Gregory has donkey poop on his knee…that’s disgusting!” The fun times also halted when we got off the donkeys and realized we all had donkey poop and/or leather saddle stains on the back of our shorts. My mom was horrified by the brown smear on the seat of her white capri pants and was announcing to everyone at the top of the hill that it was from riding the donkey and that she would happily pay anyone $20 for a clean pair of shorts. We bought mom a scarf and wrapped it around her waist to ease her mind. Gregory and I ducked into the nearest men’s shop and bought a new pair of European shorts to change into. All was right with the world as we continued our shopping spree and had lunch overlooking the ocean.

We have come into contact with too many families to mention. I see constant lines of people at the customer service counter at mid-ship, Deck 7.  I know they must be couples requesting separate cabins because of the destruction of their marriages. There is no way people are able to escape our wrath in such a concentrated space. How do you say radical gay agenda in Greek? We terrorize Mykonos tomorrow.

Radical Gay Family Beats Us To Italy

It looks like another radical gay family has started the destruction of the sanctity of marriage in Italy. And, they started with the Pope. I am so disappointed we were not the ones to reach him first.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/vatican-reverses-stance-on-gay-marriage-after-meet,20912/

What a fun laugh! We love the sarcasm and false stories of The Onion. We have much in common.

Radical Gay Family Agenda 7/13/11

Just to give people an idea why marriage equality is SO important:

As we finalize our packing for our trip abroad, we had to double-check to make sure we had copies of all our legal papers. We would not need all these legal papers if marriage equality were a reality and DOMA was removed. Jeff and I have copies of our Power Of Attorney, Power of Health Attorney, a copy of our marriage certificate, and a copy of our daughter’s birth certificate. We have to keep these papers on us at all times to make sure we are able to visit each other in the hospital in case of an emergency and that we can make medical decisions for each other. We also have to keep our daughter’s birth certificate with us to prove she is ours. Agents sometimes question men traveling with a child and we have to make sure we do not have problems. Since we are not recognized as a family unit, we are often split up when going through customs and have to prove parental rights to our child. There are so many things that have to change so that we are all treated with equality and respect. Heterosexual married couples and their families are not split up during customs checks. It is important that Federal forms and Customs routines are changed to reflect the makeup of ALL families.

Our radical gay family agenda today consists of doing the airport shuffle and getting to Italy safe. We have packed all kinds of small (silent) toys, coloring books, crayons, and sticker books into our daughter’s Monster’s Inc. backpack. We think we have enough snacks. We were sure to pack one snack per 30 minutes of travel. Thank goodness I took algebra in school, I had to use it today to figure snack consumption per travel time! We also bought her a new Nintendo 3-DS and have loaded her iPad with new movies. We are doing everything possible to make sure she is occupied on the long flight to Italy. If all else fails, she is grandma’s responsibility. After all, that is why grandma gets to travel with us! We may be RADICAL but we are not CRAZY!

Our little princess is bouncing off the walls with excitement. We are all excited to see familiar countries through her eyes. We hope her bouncing is limited to our time before take-off. If not, we have grandma and Benadryl! Wish this radical gay family luck as we endure 2 weeks of extended family in tight quarters. We may need a vacation from our vacation when we return.

Radical Gay Family Agenda 7/12/11

We had a very radical moment last night while tucking our daughter into bed. Jeff and I shared in the special moment of saying goodnight and getting loving hugs and kisses before sending our daughter off into dream land. I sat on one side of her and Jeff on the other. We listened to her read one of her Bob books and praised her for her progress. She is doing such a great job! When it was time for the lights to go out, she grabbed my hand and placed it into Jeff’s. She pulled our joined hands down to her chest and placed them over her heart. She then held each of our other hands and snuggled into her pillow while Jeff and I took turns singing songs to her. We both had tears of joy in our eyes. That little instance made all the cares of the world disappear. These kinds of moments confirm to us what parenting is all about. It amazes me how much love our child brings into our lives. We are the luckiest daddies in the world.

Our radical gay family agenda today consists of cleaning house, washing the never-ending mountain of clothes, mowing grass, and completing our packing for our trip. We plan a typical PB&J lunch and lots of activities to keep our daughter occupied. I am counting on Gregory to come up with some fun ideas. We will have to plan indoor activities today since the heat index is supposed to reach 110 degrees. I just know our air-conditioned game of Candyland will cause the destruction of at least one marriage in Arkansas. Watch out Little Rock!

We will pick Gregory’s mom up from the airport this afternoon and head to a nice dinner somewhere along the beach. She is excited to hear all about our radical gay agenda and give advice on how to make that agenda more diverse over the next couple weeks. I’m sure we will make it fun for her since she is very radical.

Radical Gay Family Agenda 7/11/11

In order for people to make educated conclusions, they must be exposed to all sides of the equation. It is important that people separate fact from opinion. People can make up opinions but they can not make up facts.

Here are a ten facts that people CAN NOT change no matter how hard they try:

FACTS

1 – I am a father.

2 – I have a daughter.

3 – I am legally married to Jeff in the state of California. (Today is our 3rd wedding anniversary by the way.)

4 – Jeff and I have been in a committed relationship since 1996.

5 – I am human.

6 – My daughter is loved.

7 – My daughter is healthy.

8 – I have a family.

9 – I was born gay.

10 – I pay taxes.

Here are ten opinions (delusions) of people that CAN be changed:

OPINIONS

1 – Marriage is solely for procreation.

2 – People choose to be gay.

3 – God Hates Fags.

4 – The Bible says it is wrong to be gay.

5 – LGBT people can not raise healthy children.

6 – Marriage equality will destroy the sanctity of marriage.

7 – Marriage equality will destroy society.

8 – Men are not capable of taking care of a baby.

9 – Children need a mother and a father.

10 – There is a radical gay agenda.

Today I challenge people to separate their opinions from fact. I am still looking for proof that my family has caused harm to anyone in the world by living our lives. I am proud of our radical gay family agenda and am very proud of my family.

Now, on a more serious note….

We are getting ready to leave for our European family vacation. My daughter keeps telling everyone we are going to Italy, Grease, and Chicken even though we are actually going to Italy, Greece, and Turkey. I love her interpretation of reality. We hope to spread our radical gay agenda far and wide as we set sail to explore foreign lands. Keep us in your thoughts as you watch the increase of the international divorce rate. We know our radical gay family agenda of exploring ancient cities, riding donkeys, splashing in the pool on deck 12, enjoying native foods, learning different cultures, and spending time together will be the cause of foreign family destruction. When you see the fighting in Greece, know we are probably the cause.

I look forward to updating everyone on our progress but will be sparse in my blog posts over the next couple weeks. Everyone stay radical!

Heterosexual Agenda

Turns out there IS a Heterosexual Agenda:

Discuss…

http://theheterosexualagenda.com/WordPress/

Radical Gay Family Agenda 7/8/11

From the mouths of babes….The comments my daughter sometimes makes in public can be both astonishing and embarrassing. Like today, when she loudly exclaimed to the nice waitress at T.G.I.Friday that she had a sick lu lu. My daughter has been swimming a lot lately. Her bathing suit has rubbed her private area and caused a bit of irritation….hence the sick lu lu. What do you do? I just smiled and ordered a California Club and side salad, hold the onions.

Our radical gay family agenda today started out like it typically does. Jeff got up early this morning to get ready for work. He prepared my daughter’s oatmeal since we were out of the healthy organic cereal she has learned to prepare herself. She watched an episode of Backyardigans while Gregory and I got dressed. I started the endless cycle of laundry washing and put a load of clothes on the bed for someone to fold. I keep waiting for the laundry fairy to magically appear and take care of it for me.

I made a doctor’s appointment first thing this morning to have her lu lu checked. We wanted to make sure there was nothing serious going on that would cause issues while we are on our European trip the next couple weeks. While on the phone making an appointment, she started crying and screaming, “please don’t take me to the doctor, I don’t want to get a shot.” I had to calm her and let her know she was not going to get a shot, the doctor was simply going to look at her to see if she needed any medication. The last appointment was her series of shots that she remembers oh too well. She was a good sport for the doctor today pointing out her area of concern. We were relieved to know she just had a simple irritation from her bathing suit. All is well with the lu lu, ya’ll!

I had a conference call for work and am trying to get a lot of work crammed into the next few days so I can relax on our vacation. Jeff is also hard at work and Gregory is entertaining the princess with a movie.

I am undecided about dinner this evening. I hope someone figures out our meal soon, I do not want to have to make another decision today! Why is it so difficult to come up with dinner choices each night? I know that whatever we decide to eat, the conversation will be full of political rhetoric. Our radical gay agenda is going overseas soon and we have to figure out a plan of action.

Radical Gay Family Agenda 7/6/11

Our radical gay family agenda was just uncovered at the CVS! While at the check-out counter, my daughter was begging for some candy and kissing my arm. The clerk behind the counter said, “You love your dad, don’t you?” My daughter replied, “Yes, but HE is at work. THIS is my daddy. I also have 2 grandpas and 2 grandmas. My grandma Myrtle and grandpa Tom live in my heart.” The clerk seemed very confused. I said, “she does not have a mom, she has 2 dads. Her grandparents on her dad’s side have passed away.” I paid the bill and we left. I think my daughter knew a little bit about what transpired since she looked up at me and exclaimed, “That was fun!” She did not get the candy she was begging for but I appreciated the love and kisses. We just had a perfect report from her dental check up, we can’t afford to start the trail to cavities now.

We met Jeff for lunch, bought a new trashcan for the kitchen, loaded up on allergy medicines and Dora Band-Aids for our trip abroad, and are now ready to spend an hour or so in the pool. My daughter is out of school camp this week. I am doing everything within my power to keep her entertained and exhausted since she seems to be returning the favor. I am looking forward to getting away for a couple of weeks with two matriarchs to keep the little princess entertained. I know she will end up spoiled beyond repair but Jeff, Gregory, and I look forward to our little breaks at night on the cruise. Adult beverages and conversation are in desperate demand.

I think a Fresh Market visit is in order this afternoon for dinner. I am loving their roasted chicken and pasta salads. We have to save time to discuss what type of retaliation we may have to endure from unleashing our radical gay agenda on the CVS clerk today. Thank goodness I did not have a CVS card or they might be able to track us down and send out an ex-gay group to try to convert us. I don’t trust all those VIP cards. Who has enough key-chain space to hold all those little plastic things anyway? I think all those cards are part of the heterosexual agenda. If WE have an agenda then THEY must have one too!