Radical Gay Family Agenda 10/26/2011

I’m sorry I have been absent from the blog for so long. Our radical gay family agenda has had me hopping. Kindergarten is in full force for our daughter and ballet, tap, jazz, tumbling, and musical theater classes have consumed all our free time. The daddies are so proud of our little “Broadway prodigy”. PB&Js are still being slapped together each morning and our path to the destruction of marriage is forging onward. See our recent story that made national headlines yesterday:

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/45020021/#.TqguB78vFe4

Have a happy Halloween. I hope all your little goblins spread our gay agenda from door to door this weekend!

Radical Gay Family Agenda 8/19/11

Well, life as a radical gay family is not always sparkles and rainbows. Our daughter decided to have a major meltdown last night. She had it in her little head that her dad would be tucking her in to bed even after I (daddy) was in her room with a book in hand. A temper tantrum ensued that would give Naomi Campbell a run for her money. Thank goodness she is too young to have a cell phone to throw! We decided that we have been spoiling her a little too much and have to reign in the demon child before she turns into a spoiled brat. After a battle of wills last night, she finally left Time Out after an hour of kicking and screaming and trotted off to bed…ALONE. She did not get her way and did not get tucked in at all. I guess tough love is also a part of our radical gay family agenda.

The morning started very quietly as our daughter sat with no TV or toys and had to eat her oatmeal in silence. She got dressed for school, made her bed, apologized for her actions and quietly left for school. I went to Homo Depot, bought 10 medium cardboard boxes and returned home to pack all her toys and special stuffed animals. We have decided to take everything away from her and make her understand that she has to earn those things by minding, being polite and respectful, and behaving. It may take her a while to earn everything back one item at a time. The good news, we do not have to spend much money for Christmas this year. By the time she gets to the end of 10 boxes of Barbie, Dora, Toy Story, and Disney stuff, she will think it is all new.

Things are definitely much more different from the way they were when I was young. My mother would have back-handed me through a wall for acting the way my daughter did last night. We are trying to take the approach of mutual respect and talking through issues instead of spanking and yelling. We choose to use Time Out and restrictions. Our radical gay family agenda may have to start including a military boarding school if she does not get it in line! I wonder if military boarding schools go by the ‘Don’t Ask Don’t Tell Us If Your Daddies Are Gay’ rule. If so, we would just pretend to be straight.

We are back on a diet, so I will cook a light meal for dinner and replace dessert with a firm and strict discussion about destroying some marriages in Ohio.

 

I saw this article today and felt it was important for people to read. We are asked these questions all the time and are often offended:

http://www.advocate.com/Society/Modern_Families/Say_What_5_Bad_Questions_for_Gay_Parents/

 

Radical Gay Family Agenda 8/17/11

I’m still here! I have been busy destroying the sanctity of marriage. Read for yourself:

http://www.advocate.com/Politics/Election/Marriage_Metaphors_with_Rick_Santorum/

I would love for Mr. Santorum to sit down for dinner with my family so he can see just how “radical” we are. My daughter would surely share her PB&J and a carrot chip while laughing about his funny hair and silly metaphors. He would probably be annoyed by interruptions of the washer and dryer chime letting me know it’s time to wash and fold another load. He would also have to witness a family conversation about my daughter’s first day of school or how her friend took the pink crayon she was using to draw flowers around the sketch of her daddies and our home. Our dinner may even have to pause while we patch a boo boo for my daughter with a Dora Band-Aid. We may even have to deal with a meltdown if we forget to trim the brown edges off my daughter’s sandwich or cut the sandwich into squares instead of triangles. You have an open invitation, Mr. Santorum. Come sit at our table and judge for yourself what a real family is made of. You just might come up with some new metaphors like “LOVE makes a family” or “Moral agents are Nurturing parents”.

Radical Gay Family Agenda 8/2/11

I can understand why people call us “flaming”. We have been burning the candles from both ends lately. Our radical gay family agenda has kept us extremely busy the last few weeks. Our daughter has even requested we get her a sitter for a couple of days. When I asked her why, she said, “because I need a break from you guys.” I think she may be worn out too! Vacations can be exhausting.

Our radical gay agenda took us to Philly this past weekend for the Britney Spears concert. If we were not well-known before, we will be now. Our radical gay agenda was thrust upon an audience of 21,000 when we went on stage and danced with Britney. She was instrumental in helping us spread our marital destruction campaign to a wide audience. The 20,000 tween girls and 1,000 hesitant chaperones were unable to avoid our fairy dust. I just know our agenda penetrated the hearts of everyone there with our horrible dance techniques and giddy smiles. We were the third, fourth, and fifth guys brought up on stage. See video:

http://youtu.be/Lg8CA8FOOQc

Today our radical gay family agenda leaves me at home caring for our sick daughter. She has an upper respiratory infection and is not feeling well. She keeps asking me to sit beside her and hold her. Daddy has it covered. I hate when she is sick. I want to take away her pain and make it all better. We may be visiting the doctor later this morning if she does not seem better. Daddy will make sure she has lots of fluids, a cold towel on her forehead, and lots of hugs and kisses to get her through the day. Her Hello Kitty thermos is full of ice water and the plastic trashcan is sitting beside the sofa. She is wrapped in her favorite blankie and is watching Nick Jr. We will make it through this radical gay day together.

With the widespread distribution of our radical gay agenda lately, we will forego conversations tonight about further destruction of the sanctity of marriage. Our little princess comes first today. We will get her all healed up before we continue our sinister plot to destroy America.

 

 

Radical Gay Family Agenda 7/28/11

We’re back! We had an amazing vacation in Europe. Our radical gay family agenda was extremely full over the last two weeks. There is no way to know exactly how many people we infected with our gay agenda but I’m sure it is in the tens of thousands. We spent most of our time enjoying the sights and cultures of some beautiful locations. Our daughter was such a trooper. She walked everywhere we did and never missed a beat. We are all on a diet to try to rid the weight we gained from eating every 30 minutes while on our trip. The term “fat and happy” has never been more true. It was tough waddling through the ancient cities visited. At least we were able to get a nice tan. My mom always said, “tan fat is prettier than white fat.”

Eight years ago, Jeff and I were in Venice during a vacation. As we sat in St. Mark’s Square, we watched a little girl in a beautiful white dress dance to the live orchestra. She alternated her dancing with running to her parents and taking a bite of gelato. During that time, we were desperate to have a child. We were very emotional watching this beautiful little girl and wishing we could be blessed with an opportunity to experience being parents. Our journey back to Venice with our daughter had a very special meaning. We dressed her in a white dress, took her to St. Mark’s Square, and reveled in her impromptu dance to the live orchestra. The moment was complete with some delicious gelato and a finale of church bells. Life has come full circle for us and is perfect. Seeing her dance in the square made our trip perfect. How radical?

Our radical gay family agenda is back to the usual routine today. Our daughter is off to school camp, PB&J in tow and swimsuit packed for water day. We are trying to catch up on work while washing a mountain of clothing and trying to fit in time to mow and clean house. Our agenda would not be complete without time to plan for future destruction of heterosexual marriages in Pennsylvania. We will be in Philly this weekend to make sure our mission comes to fruition. As I try to regain my sleep schedule from jet-lag, I will work on getting my blog entries back on track. I know how important it is to make sure the world is warned of our lurking destruction of the sanctity of marriage with all the laundry and PB&J sandwiches. Which reminds me, we are our of Jif and Smuckers.

Jennifer Chrisler on Lawrence O’Donnell

 

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=626wvUV3osE&feature=share

I am very proud to be a part of Family Equality Council and a friend of Jennifer Chrisler. She is one of the best leaders of our Radical Gay Family Agenda.

 

 

Radical Gay Family Agenda 7/18/11

Our radical gay family agenda has been quite an adventure the last few days. We have been to Frankfurt, Munich, Venice, Corfu, and Santorini so far. We still have stops in Mykonos and Ephesus before returning to Venice. Our daughter has been immersed in cultures and loves every minute of our gay agenda.  We have been teaching her how to say hello and goodbye in each language and have given her a purse full of euros to buy her own little souvenirs. She is quite stylish walking around with her little patchwork purse we bought in Corfu, Greece.  She speaks to everyone who passes her by. When she hears someone speak a foreign language, she usually says, “hola”. I guess she thinks that if people are not speaking English they MUST speak Spanish. I think she may be watching too much Dora the Explorer. All of the stewards on the ship have fallen in love with her and usually say hola to her before she can get the word out to greet them.

We are quite surprised that our daughter has adjusted so well to the lengthy travel and time change. She has not missed a beat. She cannot wait to get up each morning and see what is on our radical gay agenda for the day. She gets a healthy dose of exhaustion and has been sleeping well each night. We have also found a special treat for both she and the adults of the family. Each night she begs to go to the kid’s camp on the ship. We feed her dinner, drop her off at the camp and enjoy a nice meal with uninterrupted adult conversation at the nicer restaurants. It’s a win-win for everyone.

Our radical gay family agenda today consisted of a stop in Santorini, Greece. Santorini is one of the most magical places we have ever been. Since we are so radical, we chose to ride donkeys up the mountain to the hilltop city. I found out the hard way I am allergic to ass. I know that may shock many who read this post. I will never climb onto another donkey while wearing shorts! The entire family had a blast on our 4-legged helper’s backs until half way to the top. The donkeys kept running into each other. Gregory’s knee was slammed into one of the donkey’s behinds. Our daughter kept laughing and shouting, “Gregory has donkey poop on his knee…that’s disgusting!” The fun times also halted when we got off the donkeys and realized we all had donkey poop and/or leather saddle stains on the back of our shorts. My mom was horrified by the brown smear on the seat of her white capri pants and was announcing to everyone at the top of the hill that it was from riding the donkey and that she would happily pay anyone $20 for a clean pair of shorts. We bought mom a scarf and wrapped it around her waist to ease her mind. Gregory and I ducked into the nearest men’s shop and bought a new pair of European shorts to change into. All was right with the world as we continued our shopping spree and had lunch overlooking the ocean.

We have come into contact with too many families to mention. I see constant lines of people at the customer service counter at mid-ship, Deck 7.  I know they must be couples requesting separate cabins because of the destruction of their marriages. There is no way people are able to escape our wrath in such a concentrated space. How do you say radical gay agenda in Greek? We terrorize Mykonos tomorrow.

Radical Gay Family Beats Us To Italy

It looks like another radical gay family has started the destruction of the sanctity of marriage in Italy. And, they started with the Pope. I am so disappointed we were not the ones to reach him first.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/vatican-reverses-stance-on-gay-marriage-after-meet,20912/

What a fun laugh! We love the sarcasm and false stories of The Onion. We have much in common.

Radical Gay Family Agenda 7/13/11

Just to give people an idea why marriage equality is SO important:

As we finalize our packing for our trip abroad, we had to double-check to make sure we had copies of all our legal papers. We would not need all these legal papers if marriage equality were a reality and DOMA was removed. Jeff and I have copies of our Power Of Attorney, Power of Health Attorney, a copy of our marriage certificate, and a copy of our daughter’s birth certificate. We have to keep these papers on us at all times to make sure we are able to visit each other in the hospital in case of an emergency and that we can make medical decisions for each other. We also have to keep our daughter’s birth certificate with us to prove she is ours. Agents sometimes question men traveling with a child and we have to make sure we do not have problems. Since we are not recognized as a family unit, we are often split up when going through customs and have to prove parental rights to our child. There are so many things that have to change so that we are all treated with equality and respect. Heterosexual married couples and their families are not split up during customs checks. It is important that Federal forms and Customs routines are changed to reflect the makeup of ALL families.

Our radical gay family agenda today consists of doing the airport shuffle and getting to Italy safe. We have packed all kinds of small (silent) toys, coloring books, crayons, and sticker books into our daughter’s Monster’s Inc. backpack. We think we have enough snacks. We were sure to pack one snack per 30 minutes of travel. Thank goodness I took algebra in school, I had to use it today to figure snack consumption per travel time! We also bought her a new Nintendo 3-DS and have loaded her iPad with new movies. We are doing everything possible to make sure she is occupied on the long flight to Italy. If all else fails, she is grandma’s responsibility. After all, that is why grandma gets to travel with us! We may be RADICAL but we are not CRAZY!

Our little princess is bouncing off the walls with excitement. We are all excited to see familiar countries through her eyes. We hope her bouncing is limited to our time before take-off. If not, we have grandma and Benadryl! Wish this radical gay family luck as we endure 2 weeks of extended family in tight quarters. We may need a vacation from our vacation when we return.

Radical Gay Family Agenda 7/12/11

We had a very radical moment last night while tucking our daughter into bed. Jeff and I shared in the special moment of saying goodnight and getting loving hugs and kisses before sending our daughter off into dream land. I sat on one side of her and Jeff on the other. We listened to her read one of her Bob books and praised her for her progress. She is doing such a great job! When it was time for the lights to go out, she grabbed my hand and placed it into Jeff’s. She pulled our joined hands down to her chest and placed them over her heart. She then held each of our other hands and snuggled into her pillow while Jeff and I took turns singing songs to her. We both had tears of joy in our eyes. That little instance made all the cares of the world disappear. These kinds of moments confirm to us what parenting is all about. It amazes me how much love our child brings into our lives. We are the luckiest daddies in the world.

Our radical gay family agenda today consists of cleaning house, washing the never-ending mountain of clothes, mowing grass, and completing our packing for our trip. We plan a typical PB&J lunch and lots of activities to keep our daughter occupied. I am counting on Gregory to come up with some fun ideas. We will have to plan indoor activities today since the heat index is supposed to reach 110 degrees. I just know our air-conditioned game of Candyland will cause the destruction of at least one marriage in Arkansas. Watch out Little Rock!

We will pick Gregory’s mom up from the airport this afternoon and head to a nice dinner somewhere along the beach. She is excited to hear all about our radical gay agenda and give advice on how to make that agenda more diverse over the next couple weeks. I’m sure we will make it fun for her since she is very radical.