Radical Gay Family Agenda 10/26/2011

I’m sorry I have been absent from the blog for so long. Our radical gay family agenda has had me hopping. Kindergarten is in full force for our daughter and ballet, tap, jazz, tumbling, and musical theater classes have consumed all our free time. The daddies are so proud of our little “Broadway prodigy”. PB&Js are still being slapped together each morning and our path to the destruction of marriage is forging onward. See our recent story that made national headlines yesterday:

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/45020021/#.TqguB78vFe4

Have a happy Halloween. I hope all your little goblins spread our gay agenda from door to door this weekend!

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Radical Gay Family Agenda 8/19/11

Well, life as a radical gay family is not always sparkles and rainbows. Our daughter decided to have a major meltdown last night. She had it in her little head that her dad would be tucking her in to bed even after I (daddy) was in her room with a book in hand. A temper tantrum ensued that would give Naomi Campbell a run for her money. Thank goodness she is too young to have a cell phone to throw! We decided that we have been spoiling her a little too much and have to reign in the demon child before she turns into a spoiled brat. After a battle of wills last night, she finally left Time Out after an hour of kicking and screaming and trotted off to bed…ALONE. She did not get her way and did not get tucked in at all. I guess tough love is also a part of our radical gay family agenda.

The morning started very quietly as our daughter sat with no TV or toys and had to eat her oatmeal in silence. She got dressed for school, made her bed, apologized for her actions and quietly left for school. I went to Homo Depot, bought 10 medium cardboard boxes and returned home to pack all her toys and special stuffed animals. We have decided to take everything away from her and make her understand that she has to earn those things by minding, being polite and respectful, and behaving. It may take her a while to earn everything back one item at a time. The good news, we do not have to spend much money for Christmas this year. By the time she gets to the end of 10 boxes of Barbie, Dora, Toy Story, and Disney stuff, she will think it is all new.

Things are definitely much more different from the way they were when I was young. My mother would have back-handed me through a wall for acting the way my daughter did last night. We are trying to take the approach of mutual respect and talking through issues instead of spanking and yelling. We choose to use Time Out and restrictions. Our radical gay family agenda may have to start including a military boarding school if she does not get it in line! I wonder if military boarding schools go by the ‘Don’t Ask Don’t Tell Us If Your Daddies Are Gay’ rule. If so, we would just pretend to be straight.

We are back on a diet, so I will cook a light meal for dinner and replace dessert with a firm and strict discussion about destroying some marriages in Ohio.

 

I saw this article today and felt it was important for people to read. We are asked these questions all the time and are often offended:

http://www.advocate.com/Society/Modern_Families/Say_What_5_Bad_Questions_for_Gay_Parents/

 

Radical Gay Family Agenda 8/17/11

I’m still here! I have been busy destroying the sanctity of marriage. Read for yourself:

http://www.advocate.com/Politics/Election/Marriage_Metaphors_with_Rick_Santorum/

I would love for Mr. Santorum to sit down for dinner with my family so he can see just how “radical” we are. My daughter would surely share her PB&J and a carrot chip while laughing about his funny hair and silly metaphors. He would probably be annoyed by interruptions of the washer and dryer chime letting me know it’s time to wash and fold another load. He would also have to witness a family conversation about my daughter’s first day of school or how her friend took the pink crayon she was using to draw flowers around the sketch of her daddies and our home. Our dinner may even have to pause while we patch a boo boo for my daughter with a Dora Band-Aid. We may even have to deal with a meltdown if we forget to trim the brown edges off my daughter’s sandwich or cut the sandwich into squares instead of triangles. You have an open invitation, Mr. Santorum. Come sit at our table and judge for yourself what a real family is made of. You just might come up with some new metaphors like “LOVE makes a family” or “Moral agents are Nurturing parents”.

Radical Gay Family Agenda 8/2/11

I can understand why people call us “flaming”. We have been burning the candles from both ends lately. Our radical gay family agenda has kept us extremely busy the last few weeks. Our daughter has even requested we get her a sitter for a couple of days. When I asked her why, she said, “because I need a break from you guys.” I think she may be worn out too! Vacations can be exhausting.

Our radical gay agenda took us to Philly this past weekend for the Britney Spears concert. If we were not well-known before, we will be now. Our radical gay agenda was thrust upon an audience of 21,000 when we went on stage and danced with Britney. She was instrumental in helping us spread our marital destruction campaign to a wide audience. The 20,000 tween girls and 1,000 hesitant chaperones were unable to avoid our fairy dust. I just know our agenda penetrated the hearts of everyone there with our horrible dance techniques and giddy smiles. We were the third, fourth, and fifth guys brought up on stage. See video:

http://youtu.be/Lg8CA8FOOQc

Today our radical gay family agenda leaves me at home caring for our sick daughter. She has an upper respiratory infection and is not feeling well. She keeps asking me to sit beside her and hold her. Daddy has it covered. I hate when she is sick. I want to take away her pain and make it all better. We may be visiting the doctor later this morning if she does not seem better. Daddy will make sure she has lots of fluids, a cold towel on her forehead, and lots of hugs and kisses to get her through the day. Her Hello Kitty thermos is full of ice water and the plastic trashcan is sitting beside the sofa. She is wrapped in her favorite blankie and is watching Nick Jr. We will make it through this radical gay day together.

With the widespread distribution of our radical gay agenda lately, we will forego conversations tonight about further destruction of the sanctity of marriage. Our little princess comes first today. We will get her all healed up before we continue our sinister plot to destroy America.

 

 

Radical Gay Family Agenda 7/28/11

We’re back! We had an amazing vacation in Europe. Our radical gay family agenda was extremely full over the last two weeks. There is no way to know exactly how many people we infected with our gay agenda but I’m sure it is in the tens of thousands. We spent most of our time enjoying the sights and cultures of some beautiful locations. Our daughter was such a trooper. She walked everywhere we did and never missed a beat. We are all on a diet to try to rid the weight we gained from eating every 30 minutes while on our trip. The term “fat and happy” has never been more true. It was tough waddling through the ancient cities visited. At least we were able to get a nice tan. My mom always said, “tan fat is prettier than white fat.”

Eight years ago, Jeff and I were in Venice during a vacation. As we sat in St. Mark’s Square, we watched a little girl in a beautiful white dress dance to the live orchestra. She alternated her dancing with running to her parents and taking a bite of gelato. During that time, we were desperate to have a child. We were very emotional watching this beautiful little girl and wishing we could be blessed with an opportunity to experience being parents. Our journey back to Venice with our daughter had a very special meaning. We dressed her in a white dress, took her to St. Mark’s Square, and reveled in her impromptu dance to the live orchestra. The moment was complete with some delicious gelato and a finale of church bells. Life has come full circle for us and is perfect. Seeing her dance in the square made our trip perfect. How radical?

Our radical gay family agenda is back to the usual routine today. Our daughter is off to school camp, PB&J in tow and swimsuit packed for water day. We are trying to catch up on work while washing a mountain of clothing and trying to fit in time to mow and clean house. Our agenda would not be complete without time to plan for future destruction of heterosexual marriages in Pennsylvania. We will be in Philly this weekend to make sure our mission comes to fruition. As I try to regain my sleep schedule from jet-lag, I will work on getting my blog entries back on track. I know how important it is to make sure the world is warned of our lurking destruction of the sanctity of marriage with all the laundry and PB&J sandwiches. Which reminds me, we are our of Jif and Smuckers.

Radical Gay Family Agenda 7/13/11

Just to give people an idea why marriage equality is SO important:

As we finalize our packing for our trip abroad, we had to double-check to make sure we had copies of all our legal papers. We would not need all these legal papers if marriage equality were a reality and DOMA was removed. Jeff and I have copies of our Power Of Attorney, Power of Health Attorney, a copy of our marriage certificate, and a copy of our daughter’s birth certificate. We have to keep these papers on us at all times to make sure we are able to visit each other in the hospital in case of an emergency and that we can make medical decisions for each other. We also have to keep our daughter’s birth certificate with us to prove she is ours. Agents sometimes question men traveling with a child and we have to make sure we do not have problems. Since we are not recognized as a family unit, we are often split up when going through customs and have to prove parental rights to our child. There are so many things that have to change so that we are all treated with equality and respect. Heterosexual married couples and their families are not split up during customs checks. It is important that Federal forms and Customs routines are changed to reflect the makeup of ALL families.

Our radical gay family agenda today consists of doing the airport shuffle and getting to Italy safe. We have packed all kinds of small (silent) toys, coloring books, crayons, and sticker books into our daughter’s Monster’s Inc. backpack. We think we have enough snacks. We were sure to pack one snack per 30 minutes of travel. Thank goodness I took algebra in school, I had to use it today to figure snack consumption per travel time! We also bought her a new Nintendo 3-DS and have loaded her iPad with new movies. We are doing everything possible to make sure she is occupied on the long flight to Italy. If all else fails, she is grandma’s responsibility. After all, that is why grandma gets to travel with us! We may be RADICAL but we are not CRAZY!

Our little princess is bouncing off the walls with excitement. We are all excited to see familiar countries through her eyes. We hope her bouncing is limited to our time before take-off. If not, we have grandma and Benadryl! Wish this radical gay family luck as we endure 2 weeks of extended family in tight quarters. We may need a vacation from our vacation when we return.

Radical Gay Family Agenda 7/12/11

We had a very radical moment last night while tucking our daughter into bed. Jeff and I shared in the special moment of saying goodnight and getting loving hugs and kisses before sending our daughter off into dream land. I sat on one side of her and Jeff on the other. We listened to her read one of her Bob books and praised her for her progress. She is doing such a great job! When it was time for the lights to go out, she grabbed my hand and placed it into Jeff’s. She pulled our joined hands down to her chest and placed them over her heart. She then held each of our other hands and snuggled into her pillow while Jeff and I took turns singing songs to her. We both had tears of joy in our eyes. That little instance made all the cares of the world disappear. These kinds of moments confirm to us what parenting is all about. It amazes me how much love our child brings into our lives. We are the luckiest daddies in the world.

Our radical gay family agenda today consists of cleaning house, washing the never-ending mountain of clothes, mowing grass, and completing our packing for our trip. We plan a typical PB&J lunch and lots of activities to keep our daughter occupied. I am counting on Gregory to come up with some fun ideas. We will have to plan indoor activities today since the heat index is supposed to reach 110 degrees. I just know our air-conditioned game of Candyland will cause the destruction of at least one marriage in Arkansas. Watch out Little Rock!

We will pick Gregory’s mom up from the airport this afternoon and head to a nice dinner somewhere along the beach. She is excited to hear all about our radical gay agenda and give advice on how to make that agenda more diverse over the next couple weeks. I’m sure we will make it fun for her since she is very radical.

Radical Gay Family Agenda 7/11/11

In order for people to make educated conclusions, they must be exposed to all sides of the equation. It is important that people separate fact from opinion. People can make up opinions but they can not make up facts.

Here are a ten facts that people CAN NOT change no matter how hard they try:

FACTS

1 – I am a father.

2 – I have a daughter.

3 – I am legally married to Jeff in the state of California. (Today is our 3rd wedding anniversary by the way.)

4 – Jeff and I have been in a committed relationship since 1996.

5 – I am human.

6 – My daughter is loved.

7 – My daughter is healthy.

8 – I have a family.

9 – I was born gay.

10 – I pay taxes.

Here are ten opinions (delusions) of people that CAN be changed:

OPINIONS

1 – Marriage is solely for procreation.

2 – People choose to be gay.

3 – God Hates Fags.

4 – The Bible says it is wrong to be gay.

5 – LGBT people can not raise healthy children.

6 – Marriage equality will destroy the sanctity of marriage.

7 – Marriage equality will destroy society.

8 – Men are not capable of taking care of a baby.

9 – Children need a mother and a father.

10 – There is a radical gay agenda.

Today I challenge people to separate their opinions from fact. I am still looking for proof that my family has caused harm to anyone in the world by living our lives. I am proud of our radical gay family agenda and am very proud of my family.

Now, on a more serious note….

We are getting ready to leave for our European family vacation. My daughter keeps telling everyone we are going to Italy, Grease, and Chicken even though we are actually going to Italy, Greece, and Turkey. I love her interpretation of reality. We hope to spread our radical gay agenda far and wide as we set sail to explore foreign lands. Keep us in your thoughts as you watch the increase of the international divorce rate. We know our radical gay family agenda of exploring ancient cities, riding donkeys, splashing in the pool on deck 12, enjoying native foods, learning different cultures, and spending time together will be the cause of foreign family destruction. When you see the fighting in Greece, know we are probably the cause.

I look forward to updating everyone on our progress but will be sparse in my blog posts over the next couple weeks. Everyone stay radical!

Radical Gay Family Agenda 7/6/11

Our radical gay family agenda was just uncovered at the CVS! While at the check-out counter, my daughter was begging for some candy and kissing my arm. The clerk behind the counter said, “You love your dad, don’t you?” My daughter replied, “Yes, but HE is at work. THIS is my daddy. I also have 2 grandpas and 2 grandmas. My grandma Myrtle and grandpa Tom live in my heart.” The clerk seemed very confused. I said, “she does not have a mom, she has 2 dads. Her grandparents on her dad’s side have passed away.” I paid the bill and we left. I think my daughter knew a little bit about what transpired since she looked up at me and exclaimed, “That was fun!” She did not get the candy she was begging for but I appreciated the love and kisses. We just had a perfect report from her dental check up, we can’t afford to start the trail to cavities now.

We met Jeff for lunch, bought a new trashcan for the kitchen, loaded up on allergy medicines and Dora Band-Aids for our trip abroad, and are now ready to spend an hour or so in the pool. My daughter is out of school camp this week. I am doing everything within my power to keep her entertained and exhausted since she seems to be returning the favor. I am looking forward to getting away for a couple of weeks with two matriarchs to keep the little princess entertained. I know she will end up spoiled beyond repair but Jeff, Gregory, and I look forward to our little breaks at night on the cruise. Adult beverages and conversation are in desperate demand.

I think a Fresh Market visit is in order this afternoon for dinner. I am loving their roasted chicken and pasta salads. We have to save time to discuss what type of retaliation we may have to endure from unleashing our radical gay agenda on the CVS clerk today. Thank goodness I did not have a CVS card or they might be able to track us down and send out an ex-gay group to try to convert us. I don’t trust all those VIP cards. Who has enough key-chain space to hold all those little plastic things anyway? I think all those cards are part of the heterosexual agenda. If WE have an agenda then THEY must have one too!

Radical Gay Family Agenda 7/2/11

This morning started off with a bang! No, there were no fireworks in our home. Our daughter awoke before we did and decided to prepare her own breakfast. I heard a loud bang and an “Uh oh”, so I jumped from bed and ran to the kitchen. I walked in to my daughter standing over a cardboard box with milk puddled up in the floor and dripping from the counter and cabinets. GOT MILK? She had taken her bathroom stool into the kitchen, climbed up on the counter and got a bowl from the cabinet. She then slid her stool to the pantry and pulled down a box of daddy’s Fruit Loops with Marshmallows and took it to the kitchen. After standing on her stool to get her soy milk from the refrigerator, she pulled a cardboard box from the guest room and sat her bowl on it. While trying to pour her milk into the bowl, the carton slipped from her hand and drenched our kitchen. She stood over the mess with big puppy-dog eyes, looked up at me and replied, “I was hungry and wanted to fix some cereal. I was trying to be a big girl.” I cleaned up her mess, prepared her bowl of cereal, seated her at the table and praised her for almost doing it all by herself. What do you do? You can’t be mad at that cuteness. I think we are going to put some things on lower shelves and have small cups of milk in the refrigerator for her to pour on her own. Little Miss Independent is too impatient to wait.

We attended a birthday party this morning at a fun miniature golf place. We had a great time watching the little ones try to hold the putters and get their golf balls into the holes. Our daughter did pretty well considering she thought she was playing pool. I know our radical gay family agenda surely rubbed off on some of the families there. There was one family in particular that started that pre-divorce twitch as they passed us a slice of birthday cake. I just know the entire fabric of their being was forsaken by our attendance. Our daughter even had braided pig-tails and sandals that matched her outfit today. The GAY was overtly present from the moment we walked up the fake volcano face and into the tiki hut party room.

After the party, we fought the Fourth of July beach traffic to do a little shopping for birthday gifts for my daughter. We are throwing her an impromptu birthday party/Fourth of July cookout tomorrow. We are celebrating early since we will be out of the country for her actual birthday. We are taking her on a trip to Italy, Greece and Turkey in a few days. How completely radical and gay! We want her to learn about different cultures and experience the world beyond our daily American gay agenda. I can’t wait to learn how the Venetians handle their radical gay agendas. I hope we learn new sinister ways to complete our goal of world domination. We do need to inform the gondoliers that horizontal stripes are never a good idea.

We stopped by The Fresh Market and have another fabulous prepared dinner for tonight. We are enjoying all the time we are saving by shopping there. Our dinner conversation tonight is sure to be very evil.