Monthly Archives: August 2011

Radical Gay Family Agenda 8/19/11 UPDATE

Since all of her toys have been taken away, our daughter has resorted to reading the New York Times…

And, she has used her creativity to turn a cardboard box into a “rocket” to fly away from her daddies.

Radical Gay Family Agenda 8/19/11

Well, life as a radical gay family is not always sparkles and rainbows. Our daughter decided to have a major meltdown last night. She had it in her little head that her dad would be tucking her in to bed even after I (daddy) was in her room with a book in hand. A temper tantrum ensued that would give Naomi Campbell a run for her money. Thank goodness she is too young to have a cell phone to throw! We decided that we have been spoiling her a little too much and have to reign in the demon child before she turns into a spoiled brat. After a battle of wills last night, she finally left Time Out after an hour of kicking and screaming and trotted off to bed…ALONE. She did not get her way and did not get tucked in at all. I guess tough love is also a part of our radical gay family agenda.

The morning started very quietly as our daughter sat with no TV or toys and had to eat her oatmeal in silence. She got dressed for school, made her bed, apologized for her actions and quietly left for school. I went to Homo Depot, bought 10 medium cardboard boxes and returned home to pack all her toys and special stuffed animals. We have decided to take everything away from her and make her understand that she has to earn those things by minding, being polite and respectful, and behaving. It may take her a while to earn everything back one item at a time. The good news, we do not have to spend much money for Christmas this year. By the time she gets to the end of 10 boxes of Barbie, Dora, Toy Story, and Disney stuff, she will think it is all new.

Things are definitely much more different from the way they were when I was young. My mother would have back-handed me through a wall for acting the way my daughter did last night. We are trying to take the approach of mutual respect and talking through issues instead of spanking and yelling. We choose to use Time Out and restrictions. Our radical gay family agenda may have to start including a military boarding school if she does not get it in line! I wonder if military boarding schools go by the ‘Don’t Ask Don’t Tell Us If Your Daddies Are Gay’ rule. If so, we would just pretend to be straight.

We are back on a diet, so I will cook a light meal for dinner and replace dessert with a firm and strict discussion about destroying some marriages in Ohio.

 

I saw this article today and felt it was important for people to read. We are asked these questions all the time and are often offended:

http://www.advocate.com/Society/Modern_Families/Say_What_5_Bad_Questions_for_Gay_Parents/

 

Radical Gay Family Agenda 8/17/11

I’m still here! I have been busy destroying the sanctity of marriage. Read for yourself:

http://www.advocate.com/Politics/Election/Marriage_Metaphors_with_Rick_Santorum/

I would love for Mr. Santorum to sit down for dinner with my family so he can see just how “radical” we are. My daughter would surely share her PB&J and a carrot chip while laughing about his funny hair and silly metaphors. He would probably be annoyed by interruptions of the washer and dryer chime letting me know it’s time to wash and fold another load. He would also have to witness a family conversation about my daughter’s first day of school or how her friend took the pink crayon she was using to draw flowers around the sketch of her daddies and our home. Our dinner may even have to pause while we patch a boo boo for my daughter with a Dora Band-Aid. We may even have to deal with a meltdown if we forget to trim the brown edges off my daughter’s sandwich or cut the sandwich into squares instead of triangles. You have an open invitation, Mr. Santorum. Come sit at our table and judge for yourself what a real family is made of. You just might come up with some new metaphors like “LOVE makes a family” or “Moral agents are Nurturing parents”.

Radical Gay Family Agenda 8/2/11

I can understand why people call us “flaming”. We have been burning the candles from both ends lately. Our radical gay family agenda has kept us extremely busy the last few weeks. Our daughter has even requested we get her a sitter for a couple of days. When I asked her why, she said, “because I need a break from you guys.” I think she may be worn out too! Vacations can be exhausting.

Our radical gay agenda took us to Philly this past weekend for the Britney Spears concert. If we were not well-known before, we will be now. Our radical gay agenda was thrust upon an audience of 21,000 when we went on stage and danced with Britney. She was instrumental in helping us spread our marital destruction campaign to a wide audience. The 20,000 tween girls and 1,000 hesitant chaperones were unable to avoid our fairy dust. I just know our agenda penetrated the hearts of everyone there with our horrible dance techniques and giddy smiles. We were the third, fourth, and fifth guys brought up on stage. See video:

http://youtu.be/Lg8CA8FOOQc

Today our radical gay family agenda leaves me at home caring for our sick daughter. She has an upper respiratory infection and is not feeling well. She keeps asking me to sit beside her and hold her. Daddy has it covered. I hate when she is sick. I want to take away her pain and make it all better. We may be visiting the doctor later this morning if she does not seem better. Daddy will make sure she has lots of fluids, a cold towel on her forehead, and lots of hugs and kisses to get her through the day. Her Hello Kitty thermos is full of ice water and the plastic trashcan is sitting beside the sofa. She is wrapped in her favorite blankie and is watching Nick Jr. We will make it through this radical gay day together.

With the widespread distribution of our radical gay agenda lately, we will forego conversations tonight about further destruction of the sanctity of marriage. Our little princess comes first today. We will get her all healed up before we continue our sinister plot to destroy America.