It is a nice, quiet Saturday morning at the Starling-Littlefield home. Mi Hao Kai Lan is yapping on the television and we have already watched George of the Jungle 2. The first version with Brendan Fraser was much more appealing. Jeff just went to get his hair cut and we are awaiting his return so we can spend some family time by the pool today. Our daughter is searching the house for her Dora goggles and has already picked out her Hello Kitty bikini for the day’s festivities. I hope she finds the goggles soon or we may have a serious meltdown.
Our radical gay family agenda for the day is all about family time and relaxation. It must seem foreign for most people to consider frolicking by the pool with their child for an afternoon. I know it is extremely radical and gay for us to swim, float, and enjoy the sun. I’m positive our activities today are sure to sabotage several marriages in Iowa or Illinois.
Jeff and I have a wedding to attend this afternoon. This poor, young couple has no idea how easily our attendance could obliterate their marriage. They could be doomed from the start by inviting us to witness their union. How can our close friends not know how our radical gay agenda will affect them? Their family must have felt some discomfort over the last fifteen years of knowing us. How have they escaped our destruction for so long. We have known the bride since she was a child. It baffles me how she even has the guts to walk down the aisle knowing we will be there. Maybe they will escape our wrath and have a long and happy marriage like us. We will withhold thrusting our agenda upon them to wish them much happiness and love.
The happy couple will be excluded from our radical gay agenda for the day but we have many wedding guests to inflict our harm upon. As we sip champagne and toast the lucky couple, we will willfully cast our spell upon the wedding guests and expect to see divorce decrees in the near future. I wonder if any of these unsuspecting people will have any idea that “the only gays in the village” will be the cause of their demise. We will remain under the radar so our agenda is not foiled. We have to stay radical in order to prove those crazy politicians and religious leaders correct. What kind of platform would these people have if they were resolute in the fact that we were just like them? Now that, my friends, would be radical and GAY!