Well, today I am stuck in Washington, DC for 6 hours due to a flight delay. I have plenty of time to spread my radical gay agenda on the passers-by. I just looked at a woman and her husband that should be the next candidates for What Not To Wear. If I can’t dismantle their marriage with my presence, I hope they will allow me to give them some wardrobe tips. I know the days of dressing up to fly are long gone but would it hurt to at least change out of your pajama bottoms and throw on a pair of jeans? Seriously people, do you not own mirrors or have any self-respect? Even my 4-year-old daughter knows better than to leave the house in her Little Mermaid pajamas. They need a “gay best friend”!
I am working on my radical gay agenda for the day and am frustrated by the time I am losing just sitting around in the airport. I have already devoured two chocolate chip cookies and a satay chicken wrap in my boredom. If my flight does not leave soon, I will have to visit the terminal JoS. A. Bank and get the next size khakis to change into. Maybe I will start working on my next children’s book about the importance of patience and controlling your anger. I wonder if the gate agent would appreciate children learning such radical gay etiquette. The way I feel today, I’m not sure my book would teach the best skills. Maybe I will wait until tomorrow to start THAT book…if I ever get out of here!
I will be missing part of my meeting in Omaha this afternoon. The plant tour and beef training tomorrow is the important part of the trip anyway. I have been through similar training before but am always impressed by new and exciting ways beef is processed. I will save the gory details for another time. Let’s just say most people would not want this experience. Thank goodness I am not one of those weak stomach, faint-prone, delicate kind of gays. I hope my bright pink Abercrombie & Fitch polo does not scare the cattle into a stampede before the kill floor. Us gays tend to screw everything up, right?
Jeff and Gregory are responsible to taking care of the princess while I am gone. I hope she is in a better mood today than she was yesterday. She tends to be a bit testy when one of us goes out-of-town. I look forward to talking to her on the phone tonight and getting kisses blown to me over speaker-phone. I miss my family when I am away and can’t wait to return. I would much rather be home with my family than sitting in this uncomfortable black plastic seat listening to pages for people who left a personal item at checkpoint B.
I will be having a lonely dinner tonight in the airport. I guess my conversation about the destruction of straight marriages will have to be in vain unless some pleasant traveler has the misfortune of falling into my thoughts. Maybe I will run into that horribly dressed couple again and watch their demise. They might as well divorce and hope for a new partner that will help their disheveled look. I can only hope.