Monthly Archives: June 2011

Radical Gay Family Agenda 6/30/11

Breakfast was made, lunch was packed, my daughter was dressed and hauled off to school, the second load of laundry is in the washer, my dentist appointment was made, and now I am trying to do some work. The first part of my radical gay family agenda has been met this morning. The remainder of the day consists of meeting with my lawyer to discuss the best methods for protecting my family since our marriage is not recognized. We will also discuss methods for getting my first book copyrighted and trademarked while we enjoy a nice Southern lunch. I am hoping my lawyer will have some legal advice to prepare me for all the lawsuits I am sure to receive from the divorce decrees that I have caused. Our radical gay family agenda is sure to cause some legal drama comparable to the O.J. Simpson trial. I wonder if Robert Shapiro is still available.

Jeff is working hard and trying to stay cool in Texas and Gregory is keeping the ER department in order today. It is so quiet in the house right now. I think I will allow my daughter to stay in after-school care today so I can enjoy some extra silence. Before you start to think I am being selfish, just know it is to give me extra time to wash and fold more clothes and to clean up the house a bit. I may even take some time to give myself a much-needed manicure. I know there are no other parents out there that put off personal care to take care of their children. This is surely a radical sacrifice.

I am considering a stop by The Fresh Market again today to pick up something yummy for dinner. I can already see that their convenience will destroy my time in front of the stove. I look forward to the extra time I get to plot and plan. There will be so many more marriage failures because of my shopping convenience with The Fresh Market. Who knew how powerful their presence would end up being?

 

Radical Gay Family Agenda 6/29/11

The highlight of our radical gay family agenda for the day is the grand opening of The Fresh Market in Pawleys Island. We have been waiting for months to have an opportunity to buy their roasted chicken salad and fresh-baked goods. It must be extremely radical to get so excited about a new grocery store opening in our community. Are there other parents out there that enjoy the simple pleasures of shopping options? It is nice to have a new place that is void of Fruit Loops and Fruity Pebbles with marshmallows. I foresee healthy meals and snacks in our near future. I hope my daughter will forgive me.

Jeff left to work out-of-town this morning and Gregory left early to work at the hospital. I was left to prepare breakfast, get my daughter dressed and take her to school. She has water day at school today so I had to put together her swimsuit, towel and water shoes in addition to packing her PB&J lunch. She decided to sleep late this morning, so we were in a hurry to get out the door in time. We made it!

I am getting some work done this morning before meeting Gregory at work with food for the ER department. We decided to treat them to lunch today. I will be in a race to get back home, complete a little more work, and rush to carpool. I have to be in line early today to pick my daughter up from school in order to make it to a dentist’s appointment. She gets her teeth cleaned today as well as a check up. I have been so proud of her for having wonderful check ups every six months. No cavities! We have to keep it that way. The addition of The Fresh Market should help. It must be part of our militant radical gay agenda that keeps her pearly whites in check. Thank goodness she does not mind our strict regimen of brushing her teeth every morning and every night. It is amazing how her little Dora electric toothbrush and flavored toothpaste makes it fun for her. Too radical!

I picked up some roasted chicken breasts for dinner tonight. The luxury of not cooking tonight is making me very happy. I will have extra time to devise future plans to destroy marriages in Wyoming with the time I save. I may even have time to work on the destruction of marriage in Kansas.

Radical Gay Family Agenda 6/28/11

Let’s talk about cereal this morning. When did they start coming out with so many varieties? And, when did all the varieties include marshmallows? When I was younger the choices were Raisin Bran, Corn Flakes, and Rice Krispies. If you wanted something sweeter, you could choose Frosted Flakes. Now we have Fruit Loops with marshmallows, Chocolate Rice Krispies with marshmallows, Chocolate Lucky Charms with marshmallows, Fruity Pebbles with marshmallows and a hundred other sweet options. It is crazy but I am so glad I have these to choose from. Fruit Loops with marshmallows is my favorite! My daughter still gets oatmeal but we let her have a handful of sweet, dry cereal in the morning after breakfast if she is still hungry. I swear all the rainbow colors are part of the Radical Gay Agenda to infiltrate the lives of children silently. Think about it, everything is “fruity”, “sweet”, and “full of sugar”! Your cereal is chock full of GAY!

The princess is off at school camp for the day. They are learning all about the rain forest this week. We get to go to the school at the end of the week and listen to all the sounds and songs they are learning. I can’t wait to see my little safari leader belt out some fun songs Friday. Does anyone know where I can find a small safari hat and hiking boots in size 11 before Friday? She HAS to look the part! Should I add her Dora backpack and a map?

On my radical gay family agenda today is several loads of laundry, framing a family photo, changing sheets, making beds, picking out clothes for my daughter to wear tomorrow, carpool, and cooking dinner. At some point during the day I have to do some work and call my mom to say hello. There are so many radical gay things going on at one time today I can hardly keep up.

Tonight we will discuss the downfall of America due to our radical bond. I wonder if all those people effected by us will ever forgive us for living OUR lives the way THEY do?

Radical gay Family Agenda 6/26/11

Today is my birthday. My radical gay family agenda consists of floating in the pool with my family and eating cake all day long. Screw the diet! I have already received 39 kisses from my sweet daughter and a wonderful rendition of The Happy Birthday song. My birthday wish is for TOTAL gay world domination and the complete destruction of the sanctity of marriage. Get to work on my wish, folks, I’m taking the day off!

We need FULL marriage equality in the U.S.

FULL Marriage Equality

Radical Gay Family Agenda 6/25/11

Today I woke up feeling a little more equal. New York passed marriage equality last night and Governor Cuomo signed it into law. July 24th, people like us, can start getting married in New York. Our radical gay family agenda just got a MAJOR boost! Can you imagine how many heterosexual families will be effected by this major change in the law. I just know that all those caring, loving, radical couples will destroy the sanctity of marriage just like all the folks in Iowa, Vermont, New Hampshire, Connecticut, and Massachusetts have been doing. Haven’t you been hearing about all the heterosexual marriages that have fallen apart by our loving unions? Haven’t you heard about all the heterosexuals who have been denied a marriage license because the gay couples have taken all of them? Haven’t you heard about the areas across the nation where giant holes have opened up to swallow innocent children because of marriage equality? I know the country is falling apart from our radical gay family agenda….I am still looking for the proof.

Today my family is all abuzz getting the house and yard in order. It is supposed to be a surprise but I am on to the party that is being planned for my birthday. I don’t think my husband and Gregory would have a dozen bottles of liquor set out on the counter for a family dinner! At least, I hope not. Jeff is even cleaning things and running errands (completely suspicious)! I do not know all the details but am looking forward to celebrating with some radical gay friends this afternoon.

Our daughter is splashing about in the pool today while Jeff and Gregory are hard at work. I am taking it easy and watching her play. I am getting ready to throw together a PB&J lunch for her to enjoy outside. She loves a backyard picnic. I don’t have to worry about cooking dinner tonight but am concerned about the depth of conversation I will have to muster up to convince all my friends to enlist in our radical gay agenda. My thoughts are they already have an agenda of their own but I will make sure they join our radical gay family agenda in order to be more successful. We could join forces with New York and have a HUGE radical gay army! We could call ourselves the Stonewall Sanctity Stoppers. BE ALL YOU CAN BE!

Radical Gay Family Agenda 6/23/11

Our extremely popular, massively interesting, extensively unusual radical gay  family agenda has been so exhausting lately that I have not had enough time to complete my blog entries. My company just landed a really large line that is taking up a lot of my time. Additionally, I am working closely with an illustrator to complete my first children’s book, am attending a large number of board meetings for my community service, and am schlepping my child from summer camp to play-dates regularly. I barely have time to get my daughter’s clothing together for school, pack lunches, help my daughter with her bath and brushing of her teeth, tucking her into bed at night, and spending time with my family. Isn’t summer supposed to be the time of year that everything slows down? I guess having a radical gay family agenda makes life so busy. How do the Joneses do it?

This morning was typical. We were racing against the clock to get my daughter fed and dressed for school camp. She decided to move in slow motion this morning. Does anyone else have a 4 year-old that ignores them when you ask them to do something? Maybe it is just her radical gay upbringing that makes her stare off into the blue when we ask her to put her Fruit Loops down for 5 seconds and step into her shorts! And why is it that when we pick out a pair of shoes that she does not want to wear, that they are  too tight or hurt her feet? They fit just fine yesterday! Little diva is so radical. I’m sure no one else has to deal with such issues. The downfalls of being radical and gay are that we sometimes have to deal with demon spawn.

I am working frantically to complete a report for work before I have to rush off to carpool. I guess my entire day today will be working against the clock. As I look out the window at the pool that is calling my name, I have to realize that keeping up with our radical gay family agenda is sometimes more important than ME time. Well, maybe a little dip wouldn’t hurt. There is always tomorrow to destroy the sanctity of marriage! What would the Joneses do? WWJD